iktah © 2018

Everything that is written inside this diary, is my personal feelings and stuff like that. I write everything that's on my mind in here. And if anybody thinks that somethings aren't supposed to be here, send me a mail: bloggois at iktah dot com
ps. I know there are som grammar errors in my writing, but I don't care about that :-)

Still alive,
Playing: Ancient Bards - To the Master of Darkness
Mood: Sleepy
As I said,
I'm still alive. It's been 5 years since the last time I updated this. Wow, that's nasty.
Well, let's get to the updates. Still got diabetes 2, still on pills, just a few more of 'em. Work is happening, still have two jobs, just different companies. Still working as a doorman, started up this year again after having a hiatus cause I got tired of drunk people who don't or won't listen to a sober person. At least a sober person that works where they are too drunk to be anymore, and even worse is telling them they can't be here, cause it's against the alcohol laws where I live. So, I had a period where I didn't have a job, was actively looking for something to do. Mentally, I felt that I didn't trust myself to work as a doorman. Considering one of the most important parts of the job is paying attention to customer safety. They're out getting sloshed, don't care 'bout nuthn. Just wanna have fun!
Yeah, I get you are out and having fun, but there is still laws that has to be followed and whatnot. When you almost can't walk or fall asleep at the table, you've got nothing to do out on the town anymore. It's time to go home, get some food or sleep. That's it... Sorry, I'm not the one that decided that, it's the politicians that set the laws. We get that it sucks, we want you to have fun, enjoy yourself and spend time with friends or troll for a hookup. *sarcasm* Have fun, go mad. STD's only happens to other people. *end sarcasm*
So, getting pissed off at us ain't helping your case. We usually have a good memory for faces, and really remember those that give us issues. Worst case scenario, you'll get added to a naughty list. That'll get you in the next time you come where you started some shit. Hell, mess up enough and you'll get banned. It's that easy.
Do and don't for the person heading out on the town:
Do: have some form of legal ID. Don't: your student ID is not valid.

What is considered valid, legal ID: drivers license, passport (perhaps a picture on your phone that can CLEARLY see the info and picture), bank card with full social security, government id etc. Basically, any ID that's been verified with your social security.
According to the law, the ONLY ID we can accept from foreigners is their passport.
If you come to where I'm working and I ask for ID, and you can't produce it, you're not getting in. Case closed. The reason for this is we don't know that you're old enough. Hell, good clothing, hair and whatnot, most people look older. And females cheat. They just... yeah. Makeup, tight clothes, low cut tops that show off the cleavage. Danger Danger!
Also one of the reasons I'm really strict when it comes to exactly this, if the municipality sends out their people who check that the place I'm working on is following the local alcohol law checks for issues, and they find someone without ID, they can fine the restaurant/disco/bar/whatevs. Worst case scenario, they'll shut the doors for a while. Tho, for that to happend, the rules REALLY have to be broken. The documentation is faulty, too many overly drunk people, etc.

Do: have a good time, pace your drinking, dance, enjoy yourself. Don't: drink too much too fast, piss off the employees where you are.
If we see you're not too drunk and having fun, we're happy. If however we see that you're sleeping, are falling down drunk, stumbling, can't form a coherent sentence and whatnot, you're asked to leave. Example: a table with 10 people, where one is too drunk. In this situation, NO more serving for that table until the one person is gone. It's the law, I'm not kidding.
In my case, when I see someone and I judge them to be close to what I accept as too drunk, I ask people to drink water or head outside for some air, take a walk, come back in a bit and we'll do another check. I do this for several reasons. 1. You have a possibility to still remain on the premises. 2. The water will actually help you with a potential hangover. 3. As I said earlier, we want you to be happy and have fun. We're not doing this job to be on a power trip, as alot of people think. A lot of people that work in the service industry do it because they want to, for the social aspect, to see people enjoy themselves. They sometimes get a kind of rush/high from it... A legal one :D

Do treat other customers and employees where you are with respect.
If you, like me, practice mutual respect, no problems.
However, if you think the world is there for your every whim, we're gonna have issues. Going out on the town, getting in the door, getting alcohol and whatnot is NOT a right, it's a privilege. As doormen, we represent the owner of the place we're working. If you act like a spoiled child, you'll be warned. If you STILL don't comply with our reasonable demands, you'll be asked to leave. Easy as that. We're there to make sure ALL our customers are safe and having a good time. Not just some of them.
For me, I usually have 3 strikes.
1st time, I ask you/tell you, respectfully, while smiling, most likely with a laugh and a joking tone to behave properly, and I'll explain what the issue is. We're there for you as hosts for the place. Behave, and we're cool.
2nd time, my smile is most likely gone, I'm not not joking, but still respectful. This time, I'm telling you, with a warning why there is an issue. We're still cool, but I'm paying more attention to you now.
3rd time, final chance. I'm definitely not smiling, laughing or joking. My tone is flat, my face is hard. I'm not discussing, I'm telling. I'll tell you this is the final warning you're getting and why. I'll tell you that if you don't comply, you're going to be asked to leave. I'm actively watching you, cause you've shown that you don't care or respect where you are and have no respect at all for me. (I'll note here, I don't have issues with customers for a long time. If they're asked to leave, they're welcome back another time. I don't hold grudges)
This rule I have is for most cases. If however someone starts trouble with another customer or employee, break something deliberately, don't behave at all, they're out. No discussion. This is an actual law.

Hmm, I think this is enough for this update. I might continue writing about my experience as a doorman. we'll see.
Enjoy the weekend, be kind, have fun!

Top of the soon dinnertime to ya!
Playing: The agonist - Your coming with me
Mood: Playful
Well now,
it seems I'd better update this somewhat. Lots of changes over the years.
Job: Check! Two actually! Doorman and System Consultant@NDS :D Basically I repair MFP printers of the HP and Canon Ir-Advanced kind. The semi big office kind that throws out paper, alot of paper. Someone once said we'd be a paper free society after Y2K... heh, how's that working out for ya? :p
I've developed a serious case of chill lifestyle, and it's good. I don't stress about things I can't change, I don't worry about shite that don't affect me. Like a friend said:"you're like The Dude!" My answer, too much hassle to be someone else :p
Turns out I've got diabetes type 2, the non-insulin shots kind. I take some pills in the morning and the evening and just go about my day. Started eating more, as I have to keep a regular diet for this. No worries there, I love food :D
One good thing about it, I've discovered that Coke Zero is good. No seriously, it is. Try it. It won't taste the exact same as regular coke, but it's the closest thing you're gonna get :p
Anyways, I'm off to play some Star Wars Galaxies since the emu is working like a charm, somewhat :p It's basically still an alpha/early beta :) On the mention of alpha, check out Prison Architect. It's awesome!

Playing: Roadrunner United: THe All-Star sessions - The End
Mood: kinda ok :p
have a tendency to get most people tired. Same with me :p
I currently work as a mailman and a doorman/bouncer. Working as a guard is fun. I meet a lot of different people and have to deal with them, well... different. I got the licence to work as a bouncer last fall. Belive me, it's payed off. People here have a tendency to be bitchy agains guards that don't have "the badge" because they know basically what they can and can't do... With the badge, people amazingly get more respect for you as a guard, cause they know that if they fuck up somehow they're out. If they try to get in a fight with you, they'll most likely end up in handcuffs and getting picked up by the cops with a charge against them that'll cost. First of all, they most likely have to spend the night in the drunk-cell, then they get a fine, and to finish it off they have a charge placed against them for assaulting a guard, wich is a really bad thing. If you hit a person and they get a cut/open wound, the sentence is more than 6 months. If you on the other hand hit a guard, it's twice the sentence. Kinda harsh, but it's one of our safety rules as guards.
Working as a guard is fun, but the cash for me comes from being a mailman. It's not the best job in the world, but it pays the bills. I'm happy with that.

Other stuff... let's see... Been working a bit with a friend of mine who's one of the guitar players of Celebratum and we've been working on some songs. They're far from done, but the stuff we have at this point sounds really good. Probably gonna work a bit with Celebratum's singer on a few songs he's made on a side project. He's good!
Got a lot of new friends, been in a relationship with a really decent girl. That sadly ended because of difference in feelings. I care for her and stuff like that, but it wasn't on the level it should be, so I found it best to end it before things got worse and that it would hurt her more than needed. If there's one thing I really hate, it's hurting the feelings of girls I'm involved with. Generally I don't like to hurt other peoples feelings, but it's way harder when it's someone I've been romantically or sexually involved with.
It's not that I fuck around. I like the sex, but I don't fuck anything that has a pulse. I need some sort of attraction to a person before I take the step to having sex with them. Ya, i know... I'm oldskool there :p
There's been a few parties around here that was cool. But the one still to come is OFFH wich is September 23. That party is gonna be fucking awesome. I'm working as a guard, what a shocker, eh? :p

well, I think that's it for this time. Porlly gonna throw in a new post when something good happends :p

iktah, working man

Playing: Pantera - I'm Broken
Mood: blargh...
is not even near what I feel right now... I'm just fed up, exited and sitting here with a somewhat broken body. Beauty, eh?

Fed up: Basically things have escalated to a somewhat new level. Some people really don't know when to quit and walk away. Seriously!
Why even bother to try when you have somewhat failsafe proof that things won't go well? Sure nuf, some people can change... SOME! Not everyone. Most assholes will continue to be assholes most their life. OK, I've stated earlyer that I'm an asshole... That I am, but no way close to the level some people are on.
bah, I'm so fucking tired I can't even think straight.. Why I'll get to soon :p
If you had someone that you had really falled for, and that person hurt your feelings really really bad on a few occations, would you even consider to continue with him/her? I know I wouldn't! aw, fuck this. It's just pissing me off.

Tired: As for why I'm tired beyond... I've been at this party celebrating NoModE's Birthday. T'was great:D A lot of good old records was dusted off and put on the decks. I fawking love it!
So, considering the fact that a lot of my happy songs was spinned, I had to dance... And dance I did... For many hours. So now my feet and back is killing me. It'll be ok tomorrow. It usually turns out that way. The healing powers of the human body is actually quite great. No complaints from me on that one. It fixed my right foot (dropfoot-thingie) and has fixed my body after shitloads of parties.
Lovely! Since I love to party and dance, I also love my body for fixing shit the day after... The party was great. A good deal of people came and the mood was good. When things go like this, one can't be stressed about everyday shit. That can be dealt with another day. Party = PLUR (Peace Love Unity Respect)

Exited: Heh, I've got a new job :p GO MEE!!!! I'm just waiting to get started. It's gonna be fucking awsome to work again. I'm sick of now having anything to do. I need money and something to do: Problem solved! YESSS!!
It seems things are going way better for me. I've got a new job, someone I'm interested in and so forth. It kinda says something when she want's me to stop smoking and I actually say:"I'll try, can't promise anymore than that..." and actually say it truthfully... Trust me, that's a first ;)
When I wake up in the morning and just about to take a smoke, I actually think of her and feel a little guilty when I light it... As a friend of mine say to me:"You're just very interested. It's as easy as that..." Hell, I can't argue with him. He's right...
uhm.. more to say have I? No, Master Yoda... I do not have anything else to say.

Good night and shit.
iktah, Not unemployed and stuff to think about :p

must be the thing that keeps me going. Music and my friends that is. When things may seem hard and that socalled "faith" working against you, friends is what keeps one person going.
I can't say that things are bad, not for me. But things could have been better, for me and for many other people. It seems that my dear little "sis", Kristin, ain't having much fun lately. Some socalled friends backstabbing her, lying and throwing shit that ain't justified in any way. Shame on them!
She know's I'm there for her, to help her and to talk with. She knows, she's not using it. Her loss :p
Maria, oh the lovely and beautiful Maria... A VERY hot girl with some issues... Falling in love and having the feeling that things will fuck up... Been there, don't want to again... but I'll surely fall into that trap, as usual.. hehe :p
Aimee, mi amor... Bad treatment by the utterly stupid and pathetic morons of the male population has fouled this great gal's look on us men.
Unfortunate for us good guys, badly treated women tend to put all guys in the same category when judging... As it's said before: When a good woman cries, good guys feel that they have failed. If she cries, some asshole has treated her bad and there wasn't a good guy there treating her as one should, instead of the asshole... When sitting here philosophing about themes like this, things kinda get into a new perspective.
If I could, I'd protect them from bad things... I'd try, at least. But negative things are a needed evil in our life. It's the both the good and the bad things that we experience as youths that shape us into the people we're gonna be as adults... *sigh*
I've had an interest for both Kristin and Maria. It came so far with Maria that I think I fell in love with her. That was something I hoped I could escape, but that was not the case. I knew I could not have her, since that was made painfully clear to me over a few talks on the phone, face to face and by msn. I knew, still it happened. We all want what we can't have. I hold no grudges against her for what happened. She had no feelings towards me but friendship. That I can live with.
Whoa, I think this is the first time I let the world know this. Perhaps by writing this, it will make it a faster healing. Truth be told, I probably still have feelings for her... but they're not as abusive against me as before. Perhaps the feelings was not love, but I had fallen for her... That I know... And fallen hard too. I know a lot of guys would agree with me on this: She's a girl that one would easy fall for... As for me, things got to the point where I had to really fight against myself to keep up appearances. I found out that I couldn't meet her, talk to her and such. Thus came the famous words from my "brother": I feel sorry for you bro. Thick as I am sometimes, I had to ask if it was related to not having contact with Maria, and he said with a cold bitter voice: yeah...
His cold and bitter voice was because we both had hopes that she was the one I had been looking for. Not as a companion for life, that is far away still, but as a girlfriend that would be kind and good to me. The girl that would bring joy into my life in a way that's almost forgotten.
Both my bro and me discovered that Maria changed me. I became much more happy around her, much more dreamy and cheerful. She even made a great deal of my cynical and cold thinking/behaving dissapear... And she wasn't even my girlfriend... That people, says a lot about what I felt for her... Alas, making those things go away for a while made me more vulnerable to getting hurt.
Since I know there is a chance Maria will read this, I yet again say: I hold no grudges against her. What happened was because of my own foolishness.
So now ya'll know, this cold cynical bastard can be a foolish guy at times.
Kristin... well... I didn't exactly fall for Kristin in the same way... Kristin I had an interest in. Just physical attraction or more, I can't tell. Things didn't evole there since I know her as I know myself. We're that much alike. To likes can't fit together. It would have been havoc I think. At least, at that time... that's for sure. We didn't know eachother as good then, so we would discover things that perhaps made things stronger or totally destroy things. With the well known looking back at things, that was a potential minefield.
These three girls all suffer from the same thing, bad self-image. Selfesteem and self-image is two different things, in my opinion. If one thinks bad about one self, that's the image part. The esteem part, well... That how we behave in public, I think. Since I'm no professor in things such as these, I can only use variables from past talks and things I've read to make out the difference between those two. Either way, back to rant:
They all suffer from this, that I can see. Why, I can only imagine. Perhaps some bad experience or bullying in school. Goes for the same. If I had the power to show them by magic how they look in my and other guys eyes, I think that would startle them. I don't think they would understand how... Hell, no offence intended against them, they can't understand now either... When I tell them, they say thanks and such... But I don't think they fully understand what they all mean to me. They all have a special place in my heart.
Perhaps when/if they read this they'll be pissed at me for revealing these things. If so, it's not ment to cause something bad.
This Blog is my way of getting things out of my head. Things I think about. What is written here are my thoughts on things. It's not intended to cause pain.
This page is kinda what makes me not explode with things. well, either way... You can really think what you want about me. Throw shit at me, bitch about me. Hell, even hit me. Doesn't matter. There are things in life you can't stand, but you have to deal with them. Same goes for people. There's things about people you really detest, but that's a part of them. Yes, I mean that.
I've never said anything do debate the fact that I can be an asshole. I'm a mean bastard sometimes, but that's what makes me who I am. I'm a good guy, I'm kind, so on and so forth. But I have my bad sides as well...
Ok, to get back on course:
Maria, I fell bad for her. I think she's the girl I've fallen the most and hardest for in a long time.
Kristin, oh Kristin. What to say here... Things are great around you. Perverted, lustful, funny etc. Can't hate that amusement!
Amada, mi amor... Getting to know you was probably one of the coolest things I've done. Trust me, I WILL CALL YOU! When, not IF but WHEN, I go to the states I'll come to NY to visit you. Belive that. When, I don't know but I will come see you ;)
Oh yeah, your "gift" is done. What did you say again... yeah "You'd better!!!" Well, I did. They're waiting for you :p

Well, Now I'm off to bed. And I don't have anything more to write about now. g'night.

iktah, what's good and what's bad about me? I know, it's for you to find out :)

How could it be... It's utterly insane... can't be... Won't be... Totally and truthfully impossible...
I hate going through this again... I thought I was done with it, complete with the lingering remnants of faith in this matter. To explain:
There's this girl I really REALLY care about, as a friend. We've talked a lot about everything and nothing. She knows me on level most other people don't. Sure nuf, I'm open about most of my life... But she's the one I've told the most to, I would think.
I know her quite well I'd assume without overstepping the boundraries of saying how well I know someone. Just plain simple: We know eachother. We can see if there's something wrong with the other person when most cannot.
I first met her through friends, as it is most times one get to meet new people. She was a thing of beauty, no doubt about that... When I first saw her it was like I was abruptly slammed into something... Total awe, one could say..
We met a few more times, talked a lot over beverage... Mine beeing hot (coffee) her's beeing cold (pepsi). That was when I scared her... She was intrigued by what I did, cause it appealed to that curiosity that gripped her, but she was also scared of what it made her feel and what it did to her...
What I did, was nothing bad or physical towards her... I asked her permission before I started stirring within her thoughts, memories and feelings. I was using her eyes. It's said that the eyes are the mirror to the soul of a person, and if you have faith in the abillity, you can read a person like an open book.
Nowdays, I just have to look at her to discover what she thinks, feels, lust for and so on. She just looks at me when she discoveres that I know with an impish grin. It's perfect... That smile in total harmony with her face and bluntness. If I ask to know anything, she'll most likely say it. Cause she knows I'll find out sooner or later by either thinking it out myself or she let's it slip when not thinking.

I developed an interest in her, in that friendly sense while also on that plane of emotions. I just plainly wanted her. If I fell in love with her, that I do not know. But I hardly think I'd fall in love with her at that time given the placing of things. She was interested in someone else, not me. Neither on a physical level nor a emotional level, other than a friend. So I made with it. As a friend or a lover, she was kinda mine. :)
There became a special bond between us, as friends. I'd always look out for her, and such I told her mother when she asked me to take care of her daughter while we were @ parties. My reply to that: That I always do, look out for her. but to my friend I said: I'll be there for you, when you need me. For counceling, fun, whatever. I'd have her back if she was brokenhearted or someone had done her ill. But ONLY if it was not her own fault. If she brought ill upon herself, she'd get no sympaty from me untill I knew the whole story.
So she somehow became under my protection. We'd talk for hours on, me giving her advice on things I knew and things I could imagine how to be overcome. That's me, the good friend. It seems that is my curse when I meet new girls that I catch an interest in. After a short while, I'm that good friend they can rely upon with their problems. I don't mind beeing a hybby-shrink, I like it. I get to know alot about my friends. Alas, so be it...
I've always been that kind of guy with a personallity with flirting. I tell them my thought about them in all truth. If I find them attractive, I'll tell them sooner or later. Playfully flirting, playfully caressing their butts with a laugh and so on. But all with nothing else in mind than fun. No hidden agenda as to why. If I'm interested, I'm much more shy with those things cause I don't want to set of the wrong image of me. I tell them how I am and how I play around for fun, but also with that sober undertone labeled with serious.
erm... of trailing again are we... well...
So I really care for her, very much. There's a reason as to why I "protect" her... But now, it would seem that I care for her far greater than I thought. My friends started talking about the situation, and from such spawned a new uneasyness as to how I think about her. Don't get me wrong, I like her on many levels. She's got a killer body, she's beautiful and sometimes wise. She's mature for her age, that is true. But she still has that little bopper streak somewhat left in her, so that makes her complete. She's so cute that you just want to put her in your pocket and walk around with her by your side all the time.
Sure nuf, she can be a pain in the ass too... But who isn't....

I dunno, I think I'll have to spend some time again to think out a way to resolve this situation I'm in again....
hell, I don't even know if any of this is making any sense to you readers. I've been awake for over 24 hours and tired the last 10 of them, so that's kinda what fucks up this tantrum. hell...
If you are reading this by any chance, you who is given but many hints to know it's you: KNOW THIS;
I do care for you, and whatever feelings there was before has not come between us talking and having fun together nor will they this time if they've awakened at the wrong moment.
No one know's what the future holds for us humans, and what things may come. Perhaps one day things will not turn out as they did the first time... Perhaps... Things do change, so does humans and their understandability of their surroundings.

iktah, "cripple"

What to say:
about this time since the last post.... well, things could have been better :p
I would very much like to be employed at some place working so I could get some money... MUCH NEEDED MONEY!!!! Money is the root to evil some say, perhaps. Money is also the source to surviving in the world and perhaps have some fun while at it :p That's a part of growing up... you realize that money is needed and you have to work for it... Or be a really (insert infinite really after this) lucky person and win shitloads of cash on the lottery or something like that. Well, I guess I'm not that person. Tough luck.
Well, no job makes iktah a very dull man... Guess I just have to put more efford into getting one :p
Other notes: Some girls I've been interested in are experiencing relationship problems... Perhaps this is my notice from the powers that be about me getting into the dating stuff again. Who knows... I'll take it into notice at least :)

i was talking to my love Aimee that lives in New York and it seems that she's had a couple of setbacks lately. I made her laugh. I'm good!
I won't get into spesifics, but when shitty things happend in your life you kinda expect your friends to cheer you up and stuff like that. This guy she's been into lately didn't even give her a fucking phonecall... how retarted is that. fucking wanker. If i knew she had problems and were living in NY, I'd fucking drop things to go help her. Belive me, she's worth it. Aimee, love... You know I'd help you. *kisses*
Aimee is a girl I got to know by IRC. I'm happy that I started talking to her. If/when I go to the states, Imma gonna go see her. I just have to! ok, Aimee and me started talking and kinda found each other. She's fun to talk with and I've had a great deal of laughs. I haven't met her (too bad) but we've talked over the net. I know things about her and she knows things about me. We talk about everything and nothing... She talkes about her problems with me and I sit an ocean away and try to help her the best I can. I tell her problems and she helps me. If she lived here or I lived in NY, I'd try to get her in a second... I think :p We all need to keep some secrets :p

But now we move back to this cold majestic place in the north where angry music flows through the speakers!:
There's this girl... She be hot... Her name is known to those who know. Shocker! Well, this girl seems great. Fun to talk with, cool personallity, good looks, so on and so forth. I may seem interested, no? Well, I think I am... I wouldn't mind to get to know her better on many levels. As a friend, or perhaps something more. Who knows... Good things comes to those who wait... Not to whine, but god knows I've waited :p I've met her at a few parties, we've talked a bit, we even got this internal joke already :p Perhaps this will give someone a few clues about who it is. The only problem I see is this, as her friend pointed out for me: She's a popular girl... I'd have to fight to get her... perhaps even fight hard... If she's worth it, I don't really know yet... But I'd take the chances... Somethings are worth taking chances for... Perhaps that "pot of gold" will be there at the end, or perhaps there will only be problems... Either way, I'd have to take my chances to find out... And lately, I've actually been looking forward to taking some chances. I'm sick and tired of just waiting for good things to come along... I've figured out that some things won't come falling into my hands. I have to work to get things. That's life.. To get back on track: I think I'll take my chances and see what this could bring. hehe, it may seem that I'm falling madly into love here... But it isn't love... not yet at least... It's getting interested... The pure fun of the hunt if you know what I mean :p

...and with that, I leave you to continue wondering... hehe :p I know, I'm a mean bastard! *mohahahaha*

iktah, a thoughtful guy...

was the most describing words I had in my head when I finished reading a book today. Good news/bad news scenario for me: Good: I've read all the books Dan Brown has written... Bad: I've read all the books he's written and the next one doesn't have a release date yet. To quote his website: "When is your next novel coming out? Because my novels are so research-intensive, they take a couple of years to write. My next novel will be another Robert Langdon adventure (picking up, in fact, where The Da Vinci Code left off). Currently, there is no release date scheduled because the book is not yet near completion." For me that kinda sucks since I want to read more from Dan Brown.
My thoughts about Dan brown as a writer/storyteller: This man is a friggin' genious. His books are so captivating that when I start reading them I can't put them down untill I'm done with them. (usually a couple of hours. 5 at the tops.) Then I sit back, relaxing and start to really let it dawn on me what the story said and so-forth. I sit there with this feeling of happyness and think through the book and many of the plots. IT'S SHEER BRILLIANCE!!!

By book,

Digital Fortress: If you're a computer geek/nerd/wiz-kid or something in those areas like me, this book WILL somewhat scare you considering personal security on the WWW. The plot revolves around The NSA (NoSuchAgency) and the privacy question. I found this book really entertaining, thrilling and a little scary. Not those bedtime scary-stories as kids, but genuine scared about what can happend. Either way, make your own choice :) READ!

Deception Point: This book I read today and couldn't put down. The plot is thrilling and captivating. When you think you start to get it, WHAM! something big happends and you sit there all shellshocked about what just happened and reding further in anticipation to check out what comes next. My words to you: READ IT! Oh, btw: When picturing the director of NRO (National Reconnaissance Office) I could only picture him as Brian Cox. This guy is the perfect person for this part, trust me :D

Angels & Demons: The first book containing the hero Robert Langdon. A cool dude, a teacher with humor and an intellect as razor sharp as it can get. Tho, sometimes kinda slow to get the solutions to things, he get's there :)
This book is the first to raise questions about religion and the good faith of the church. I can't say that I'm against the church or that the bible is a giant hoax, but I really can't say otherwise either. My personal issues aside, this is also a brilliant story. Really captivating and fast paced. At one place in the book I couldn't get away from mentally quoting the movie "10 Things I hate about you". Some time into the movie things get kinda screwed, one friend runs to the other saying: "The shit hath hitteth the fan!"
The reason this is so funny to me is because it's one of the best ways I've heard the saying said. Anyways, Why I thought of it is because in this plot, the shit hits the fan... BIG TIME! You'll have to read it to get my drift :p

The Da Vinci Code: YAY, Robert Langdon returns. This is TEH BOOK that caused heavy mayhem in the religious areas of Europe and the States. Things in this book is so controversally that you can't help to think that Dan Brown has some very excellent points. Belive me, I wasn't a person that wore down the steps of the church before I read this book... Can't say that I'm gonna start doing it now.
If you're gonna read a book in the distant future, read one of the books I've mentioned here. If you need science fiction, history and killings: Read the bible. Not as a book of religion, but a book of history. I'll get back to that issue later.
My oppinion to you: Get these books and let your mind be delighted at the pure snack they are :D

To sum up the post about Dan Brown and his books: I've got to say that Dan, (yeah, we're on first name basis. He's a really cool guy and really down to earth personallity. A good friend :p), is my new favorite author. This guy can really write a good book that captivates you. The only thing I can say: ALL HAIL DAN BROWN! HE BE MASTER!!!
hehe, just had to get that of my chest. I guess a lot of people will join me :)
Oh, just thought of something: I'm Norwegian. I speak, think and write Norwegian as my first language. But sometimes it feels like I have English as the first language. I write and think better in English than Norwegian. I can build sentences WAY better and describe things more direct in English than in Norwegian. I think my brain hath been upgraded to v 2.0 *ponders the idea...* On that note; perhaps this is also why I read things faster when they are written in English... It would seem that my brain can prosess the words, syllables, sentences and nuances faster when in English. COOL! I've got a new brain!!! GO ME!!!

Other: To clarify a few things; I'm a christian and registered in the state church. I wont go around shouting that God is all and shit like that. I'll just leave that for the twits currently holding our government. They are the frigging fanatics. :p
Even though I'm a christian doesn't mean that I find al the things in that religion is good. Those fuckers are some of the meanest bastards in history. The crusades to bring people to Christ was ust a huge fucking killingspree to get some blood on their swords or some shit like that. As far as history goes: the bible is a good book. I bet there's things in there that so far from the truth as it can come. Other things are possibly true.
I find religions interesting. Norse, Greek and Egyptian Mythology is cool. Other religions are also cool. Fuck, I kinda lost the track of what I was gonna say... *thinks*
Yeah, as I was saying. I'm a christian, But I don't exactly follow the belives. On a personal basis: I'm more of that dark kind of guy... Thinking there needs to be evidence before I can trully belive in something. But I still like to play with the idea that there are Extraterrestial Intelligence out there and there are a dark force having phun on earth. I loved "Little Nicky" with Adam Sandler.

But I think that's it for today.. Oh, update on love: Ain't got love, but there's a girl I've been scoping out lately. tho younger, seems like a cool chick I could Enjoy beeing with :D

iktah, the speed reader!

to you. I decided that since I have nothing else to do right now, I'd make the years first post. *yay me*
These past few days has been really stressful and shit. This saturday i was a guard @ a techo-party here in Trondheim, called One Floor From Heaven that's arranged by teens and young adults between the ages of 16-23 that usually hangs out at the channel #undergrunn@EFnet. We estimate that we had about 900 - 1000 paying guest passing through our doors between 9pm and 2am (21.00-02.00), so it was kinda wild. We had a 3 floors with music. On the main floor there were severa dj's playing, amongst them: Amber D, Ceejay, dj *lp* and Paul Maddox. They be good :D
Since I was a guard I had to work, and I don't say that's a bad thing. Beeing the Guard in charge for the OFFH-guards i had to be many places at one time and that's kinda stressing. We also had a deal with a guard form called Effect that took care of the doors and the main stuff. My guys took care of checking for alcohol that the peeps hided around the building (we had to, it was a no drinks party), but we sold soft-drinks inside so they didn't go thirsty :p
When the party was done I went home (gee, what a bomb) but didn't manage to get some sleep so I stayed up for a few more hours. How long is for me to know, not you :p

Enter Today: Since me and my dad has been making the basement look better than it has, we had to go to IKEA and get a few new items. We got a new desk, a new table and some other stuff. All in all we spent aprox 5 hours to get the stuff. I've got to say, when we're done this basement is gonna look fawking pron! New linoleum flooring, new couch, table, desk and lighting. I can't wait. :DDDD

In other news: Still single and somewhat tired/pissed off about it, but I've come to terms that if I wait an angel will prolly fall into my hands :)
Ok, I've whined about my situation to some of my friends. Who doesn't? I've got a few girls around that I'd love to have. Hell, I've got a good eye for some of them. Ain't so hard to figure out why if ya'll knew who they were and such :p

Hmm, I guess that's it for this time. I'll try to update more often, I promise. I REALLY DO!!! *evil grin*
So, later!

iktah, guard and redecorating expert :p

and a hello to ya'll freaks that reads my blog :)
Me and a friend was talking about beeing called cute and how we are REALLY REALLY tired of it... It's like this: People call us cute instead of Beautiful, hot, sexy and so on and so forth. Howcome? Doesn't people deserve to hear that they are sexy and such more often than every 2 years (in my case)? Are people really that afraid of telling other people what they think? I seem to recall a thread on a forum I hang on that was about this... And most of the girls replied that they would rather say that a guy was cute when they were amongst their friends instead of saying that they thought he was a real hottie! wtf is that about?!? Do people really focus that much on what their friends and people around them think? I know I don't.. well, most of the time that is :p
I would rather say to a girl that I think she's friggin hawth than just plain cute... Think a little about it... Girls go around their first years as cute... Daddy's little girl, she's so cute... When they start to turn into young women, they instantly go from cute to pretty/beautiful in their own minds. And as soon as they reach 15, all hell is loose if you call them cute... Why, you may ask? Because they are fucking tired of beeing called cute, mostly because they've been called that since they could recognize the word. Most likely, I think :p
Back to topic: Why do people say cute when they mean otherwise? That I don't know. But as my friend and I continued talking we got into the part when we thought about people that we know is beeing called hot, sexy, drop dead beautiful and so on right to their faces and amongst friends. We talked a little back and forth about this and came to terms that it had something to do with reputation... The DREADED reputation... *ph34r*
When thinking about how we look: me and her. I can't really understand how or why we aren't good looking. I know I'm not the hottest guy, but I'm not ugly either. And in my oppinion, she's friggin hawth :)
But it seems that the people that get most of the attention and good comments are people with a certain reputation.
Chicks: The girls that attract most guys, have a reputation of beeing somewhat easy, that thinks more about how their makeup is than how skanky their clothes might be... In my oppinion and thought: airheads!
Guys: The guys that attract most girls, who have an entire flock of chicks after them all the time, who tries to be be cool most of the time, that thinks more about who they are gonna fuck this weekend and who to cheat on... In my oppinion: players!
What these two groups have in common is this: They spend shitloads of money on their bodies, clothes, makeup(chicks), cell-phones and so on. Another thing is that they have a lot of people who's interested in them, and because of that other people will also get interested because we humans are simple. We want what we can't get, most of the time that is :p And what other people want, we want also. It's like this: a girl want's this guy, her friend can't be any worse so she want's him too. Why? because her friend want's him. What attracts one person in a gang, will most likely attract the other persons on the gang.
When you see a player or airhead at a party, you can recognize them by the flock of people hanging around them and craving for that person's attention. It's really not that hard. So, that was what we figured out... Then I started to wonder if people today are blind for the facts that are there, right in front of them. The facts about the persons they want. Why do chicks like the players, when they know they will most likely end up hurt because he cheated on them or something like that? Are people really that fucking blind? I would rather get a girlfriend that wouldn't cheat on me and play with my feelings than get one who would. Most people will agree with me on that one I think. But then again, why doesn't the guys and girls see that?
A friend of mine said some wise words sometime back: Good Guys Finish Last. When he first said it I agreed with him. It's true, look around you. The good people that will treat their girl/boyfriends good are the ones left single, because people want the most hot chicks and the most handsome guys. In X-Men 2 there's a really good line that kinda backs up this rant, but also kinda destroys it: "Girls flirt with the dangerous guys, but they marry the good guys." or something like that. Can't really remember. But my point is this: Why do we go after the people that hurt us? Why don't we choose the people that won't hurt us?

I think it's about time I got more back to the issue at hand: When choosing a person to be with, would you rather have the most goodlooking person that may or may not cheat on you because they can or the person that still is good looking but most likely won't hurt you? It's a hard one, isn't it? Well, not for me. I would go for the most kind and trustworthy person. The most reliable one.
Another thing is this: There is a saying that the persons that are most kinky and best in the bed are the persons that are kind and somewhat shy. If you know what I mean ;) When going around and beeing nice all the time, they have to get the bad side out somehow... And most times it's in bed :)
So here's a thought: The players and airheads go around and brag about their stuff and shit like that. They are supposed to be so fucking great lovers and so on... Nah, can't say that I've experienced that, and I have had sex with airheads... The best sex I've had is with a person that's more in the background of the crowd... So, to give ya'll player/airheads wannabefuckers something to think about: How about trying something different for a change? Look around you and see what better things there are to be with than cheating/betraying morons, you will most likely be supprised :)
And that was my nightly thinking and ranting

iktah, The philisopher of the night :)

Hapfy hewyar:
ya'll... Even though it's almost 2,5 month's since that day was :p What can I say... Perhaps as always: it's been a while since I've updated this thingie, I've got a lot to write about, I'm soooo terribly sorry that it's been such a long time(ya right...), and so on and so forth....
One thing is different then the last time I said that... I'm not bullshittin' you :p hehe.
Well, here 'tis shit moves :
I've got a job... It's pretty easy too :) My job consist of doing: *drumroll* not a damn thing... I'm still unemployed :P
So my days still is about doing nothing, spending time online, smoking a good deal of tobacco, drinking even more coke, reading books (hey, perhaps I'll get smarter), drooling infront of the telly, renting movies and watching them.... Perhaps use some of my valuable time and hang with friends :p... Hey, good news... Still single... ehm... yup... that wasn't really correct was it? good news? bah, fuck it! The sotry goes somehting like this: I don't really fall in love with girls... I just get interested... IF I fall in love with them, it's after we've started going steady.. dunno why that is... perhaps it's just because I have a tendency to not getting close to that many people so that I fall in love with them... I can be interested, and all the people around me would think that I'm in love with someone... And they start harassing me with all these questions about that person that I may be interested in... Do people really have so little things to do that they want to know what kind of person that would even consider beeing interested/in love with me? Is it really so fucking hard to think that some girls actually have brains and good taste? face it, I'm the best catch there has to be... well, if people really have that little faith in me and my lovelife they can go jump of a high cliff. No kiddn'... I really don't care what people think about me... Well, if it negative things that is. If a person thinks good things about me, I welcome it... But if they only think bad shit about me and stuff like that, FUCK 'EM!!!

bah, got sidetracked there :p well, to be honest... One of the reasons why I don't get to close to people isn't becase I'm afraid of what they might think about me and/or discover about me... I'm that kind of person that sort of live my life on the outside... I don't keep too many secrets about myself... Hell, if someone comes up to me and ask me a question about myself I tend to answer them truthfully. But some things I speak about. Ony a few people really know me and know how I really think... Ya'll know who you are :p But the reason that I don't get to close with people is because I don't want them to hurt me. Because if they know what hurts me, they can really fuck me up. People can call me names and shit like that, I don't even bother to dignify things like that with a normal answer. I just laugh and smile at them. What else is there to do? Get pissed of at them and snap? no, not me... I'm used to people treating me badly, so I really don't give a fuck :) But back to the subject: When people get close to me, they find out a great deal about me.... Those things are amongst the things that can hurt me... I've got this inner wall you see, because of all the years I was bullied when I attended school. And if I get a girlfriend, it's something you all know... When you're in a realtionship, you want to know "all" about the other person... am I right? sooo, because of my wall I don't let people get to close to the inner me because that's where I keep all the good things that I consider "my life". And if a person get's inside the wall and starts to know about things that's hidden there, I'm basically atthat person's mercy. That person can decide what to do... Either keep it there or using it against me... Then I really have nothing... if a person get's inside, I have nothing left for myself... This are in a way the thoughts I have about: Why I'm single, Why I'm an asshole many times and so on.

Back to people who knows me and such: I had a pretty weird moment a few weeks ago... This dude comes up to me and says: "Hey! Aren't you Tommy? iktah? Hell yeah, IT IS YOU!!! How are you doing?!? dude, you are one of the coolest people I know. Man, we are good friends bro'!!!" And I just stood there with this amazing dumb look on my face... thinking to myself: WHO THE FUCK IS THIS GUY?!?!?!?!?!? And he stood there and talked to me for about half an hour about things I've done and stuff like that... holy hell, that was a scary half hour... He knew about a lot of things that is written on this site and things that's not here... How the fuck did he know about all those things. I swear to god, I've never met him or talked to him before... And I know I haven't met him at any partys I've been to... fuck, I'm still scared... Well, end of tis part is that he had to go and take the buss home (*phew*), and a friend of mine stood beside me the whole time with a "what the fuck" look on her face... She asked me after the guy left: "what the hell was that all about, and who the hell was he. He knows more about you than I know...." and the only thing I could reply with: "I have no fucking clue..." Later that afternoon I met a chick that said Hi Tommy to me, and started talking with me. Haven't met her before either, but it turnes out that her older sister was a friend of me before. She knew a lot about me that I talked with her sister about. It seems that her sister kinda had a crush on me and told her little sister all about me and stuff like that... She went home after a while, but before that she wanted my number. I gave it to her whitout thinking much about it... hell, how many people that has my number I don't know... But right before she jumped on the buss she gave me a promise that she was gonna give me a call... that scared me... She's friggin hot too :D But the point of all this is there's a lot of people that claims to know me well and such, and I don't have a fucking clue about who they are. I really don't know how to respond to people that comes up to me when I'm walking down the street and talkes to me like they've known me for a while. Any clues to how I should respond is welcome :)

Well, over to other news: The 19th April I move from trondheim to lillehammer. I've been drafted. Going to serve in the Norwegian army. Can't wait. I'm so fucking tired of this town and a lot of people in it. I can't wait to get to a new place and meet new people :D
Lately there's been a few setbacks in my life: little money, not much of a social life outside IRC, girl's i've been interested in getting boyfriends or not wanting to meet me and such, getting harassed by some people... A few :p But like the song says: Always look on the bright side of life *whistles*
And because of those setbacks, I've thought more about my plans to enlist and getting an education and a job whithin the army. And that means beeing a few years away from "home"! Can't really say that I don't welcome the Idea. well, if you know me and have thoughts about it give me a shout when you meet me or drop me a line about it :)

Well, dunno what else to write at this point... Anything else would just be meaningless rambling :p

iktah, soon to be a raving through a forest near you! :) (dunno if you'll see me, I'll be wearing camuflage clothes :P)

Hi: ya'll. It's been a while since I've updated the diary. A few things has happened since the last long ranting. so, here it goes:
I've stopped working at Norges geologiske Undersøkelse/The geological Survey of Norway since I'm done as a student there. So now days I'm just beeing a lazy ass sleeping half the day, get up when my mum gets home from work and eat. Then I go down to the basement and log on. Chatting a bit, surfing a couple of websites and stuff. Kinda cool. It's like I have my vacation finally. WOHOOOO!!!
damn... writingblock SUCKS MOOSEDICK! I dunno what to write...

Ahh, I know. I've got this girl who loves me and stuff. She tells me that I'm Mr. Perfect.... I've got all the good sides and all the bad sides she's looking for in a guy. The problem is this: She loves me but I don't love her. And with that I break her heart. Whatever I do or say to her I hurt her in some way. If I tell her that I'm not looking for a girlfriend nowdays and such (it's the truth) I hurt her. Her main problem is her selfesteem since she thinks the reason I don't want her is because she's "not normal uninteresting" in her own words. She has this friend who most guys are interested in and fall in love with. Sure nuf, if I had her friend laying infront of me naked and wanting me... hell, I wouldn't say no for a litte "cuddling". Nut My friend says that her friend is normal and VERY INTERESTING. In her way of looking at things I should be in love with her friend. I started laughing and said: "sorry to dissapoint you, but I'm not in love with her."
My friend has this way of thinking the worst things. So in her head I don't want her because she's ugly and so on. She knows what I'm thinking and feeling, so she told me. christ. I don't really know what to do. I wish that this whole shit would just disappear so I didn't have to think about it so much. If anybody out there has an idea about how I can solve this please send me a mail at this address!
Hmm, this whole thing is kinda strange to think about... Why would a girl fall so fucking hard in love with me. I'm just me, I'm just tommy. a strange guy that nobody really likes. I kinda have this tendency to think that the people that know me will in some way try to take advantage of me. Dunno why, guess I'm just paranoid. I kinda think bad things about people that don't deserve that. Perhaps things are in that way that they plan something towards me. Dunno. If so, shit will hit the fan sometime. That day, oh man. It's gonna be hillarious. I can't wait. I think I'm gonna laugh so hard that I will actually wet my pants. (No, I'm not drunk at this moment)

So, to kinda try to sum up things:
I'm without a job = no money = lazyass
I've got a girl that loves me but I don't love her = heartbreak for her = sadness for me because I break her heart
I'm a sick person who don't know shit about shit and I should really pull up my pants.
Thank you, and good day.

iktah, the owner of a strange place called my world!

The Plan:
was that I was gonna write in the diary today, But I haven't got the time right now. I'll write here tomorrow. Promise :p

It's 04:50 am: and I'm dead tired. Today I've been at falxx's place with some of my friends and some people I haven't met before. It was a lot of fun. Many jokes was told, propably 65 % was on someone's behalf. The lot who was there or dropped by was: akai, andai, cruz, falxx, hardy, tica, diaz, graham, juleduk, cyb97 (I think), cyb's other half, and two guys I don't know who is. Some of us went downtown right after 12 am, but we couldn't figure ut where to go. diaz, hardy and the two guys went to After Dark and falxx, tica, akai and me went to Milennium kebab and got something to eat. Well, back to the party thingie... tica took a picture of me that I actually liked. That's something that doesn't happend often these days. After I started working for partynett I've started to really dislike pictures of myself. My job is behind the camera, not infront of it :p
Well, dunno why I've been so happy these last few weeks... Could perhaps be that the world smiled to me and showed me something that I didn't expect for a while. Some thing's are better unsaid :p But my point is this: when things seem to go my way and go upwards, something comes and fuck it all up. What have I done to deserve this?!? What is this my punishment for? Is it somehting I've done? Is it something I haven't done that I should have done? Am I beeing punished for something I've done in an earlyer life? Is it a curse within my family? I don't know...
Perhaps I should tell you why it's going downhill REALLY FAST NOW: I've recived good things lately. I'm free of debt to people exept the bank, momm and dad. My car works, I've got money, I have it really good. Then fate, or Ruthia (the guardian angel of luck) that I like to call her, has a twisted sense of humor (or something like that) grab me by the balls and throw me around the room... Won't tell you why and what it is about, but trust me... It ain't good...

Well, I'm done with The Ultimate Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy and I hated the ending. It sucked. But, the book was teh rock!!!
When you're done reading the book/series you sit with a different view on things. Douglas Adams was a great person I think. It would be cool talking to him, but that's impossible. He's dead, pity. Even if he was alive, talking to him would still be impossible since he was teh writer and I'm just a normal ordinary guy from norway. hmm... wonder where I'm going with this ranting about this... dunno.

Well, I'm off to bed then. ooohhh... I can't wait untill Monday... A friend of mine is coming back from France... I'm getting lot's of things. Smokes (I think) and she will tend to my needs... My shoulders that is. They are stiff as hell and really bothering me. well well. i'll propably write something here later when I feel like it. Good night!

iktah. So long, and thanks for all the fish ;)

We understand y00:
I've read shitloads of things since I updated :)
Douglas Adams: The Ultimate Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy must sure be the best book/series I've read in a loooong time. That book gives you a great perspective on some things.

My good friend Odin has struck gold... He's got a girlfriend and they are hopelessly devoted to eachother.

forum is up'n running, but by far done. things are in norwegian... sorry guys.

gallery works with a lot of pictures....

I totally dont know what I'm doing and just rambling down some shit...

iktah, the poor lad...

A lot:
of things has happened since I last updated the diary :)
My good friend Odin has gone to oslo for a week, and is then going to the states for a #babylon5@EFnet gathering. Wish I was going with him. Would be cool to go to the states for a holliday and meet the people that I speek with on b5 :) A sick gang they are, but cool. I've gotten many good laughs because of them. hmm.. I haven't slept good since night to Thursday, so my head is actually quite fucked up right now.

I started wondering about why and who I fall in love with. Dunno why I get interested in girl 3-4 years younger than me. I know what I get and all the trouble it get's me in. Hell, if I get a girlfriend that's perhaps 16, my head fucks up. I start to find faults with her the moment I set my eyes on her. Dunno what my problem is. A lot of girls that age are pretty and smart, but shitloads of them are airheads. *laughs* well, a lot of girls my age are like that too, so there's actually no evidence of change in them as they grow older. Their interests change and stuff like that, and they start thinking more adult like but they are still airheads. Back to the point eyh! Well, dunno what to say... I've noticed some changes with myself lately. I'm not that perverted and hostile towards people anymore... *sobs* WHY?!? That's not the only thing that has changed, I've also noticed that my mind has started to change... I've become more adult myself. I don't fall in love all the time anymore, I get interested... It seems that nowdays I've actually got to find a lot of things with a person that apeals to me before I let myself become attracted towards a person. There is some points that HAS to be there before I fall in love. What those are, I'm not going to reveal... 1. It's waaay to personal. 2. I actually don't know what all of them are myself. *laughs* hm... Now i'm just ranting again without any point in what I'm saying. I think it's funny...

In the period of time since my last post I've met a beautiful girl that meets a lot of those "pointers" I have. She's cool, funny, great and so on. I can't describe her because she kinda seems perfect to me... I know there are a lot of people that's gonna start wondering who this is and ask me to tell them. well, up yours :p It's for me to know, and for you to find out the hard way *snicker*
If things are normal, this girl won't have feelings for me and stuff like that. My fucking luck! *curses* well, that's killed before anything can get any bigger. I actually fuck up things before I give it a chance. Kinda cool huh? ehh, right... so... why the fuck do I even bother to think about stuff like this, that a girl could possibly have any interest in me. Why would she, why should she? I will eventually fuck things up anyway. Think happy stuff. Dunno why I've become so totaly weird. Why wouldn't she have any interest in me. I notice that some girls have interest in me and stuff like that. Hell, I'm not ugly but I'm not beautiful either. I'm just plain cute... So i've been told. I've actually had this told to me: You are good looking, but not in that really hot good looking kinda style... what the fuck is that about?!? Don't ask me.. I don't fucking know.

Well, to sum up things: I'm interested in a girl, turning towards falling in love with her... I've gotten older(uhm), my mind is still totaly fucked ;)

Guess I'm going to sleep now since my ranting is kinda fucked. I've seriously got to get some sleep so that my head won't blow up.

iktah, the deranged lunatic who seriously think waaay to fucking much ;p

I'm tired now. I've just been working since 21.00 - 03.30 taking pictures at a fucking foam party. I seriously had foam up to my nipples, and I'm not that short. I'm about 175m tall/short, and it reachedmy nipples. The clothes I had on are wet beyond!!! If I sqeeze the pants soap will come out from them. Kinda cool actually. hehe. Well... earlyer today I worked from 08.00 - 15.30 also. Went home, ate some dinner, showered and went downtown to work again. That explanes why I'm tired. My eyes are infact "burning" right now. I think it's fun. Well, I'm also a sick dude some say. Dunno what they are talking about.

Well, at this party I met several of my friends and I had a really good time. When I think about it, some of my friends are fucking HOT!!! well, my friends that are girls that is. Sure nuf, I can say if a guy is good looking. Some people would say that means I've got gay thoughts. I say, fuck you. I'm confident enough in myself and my sexual preference that I can say things like that. If a guy has the looks, I can say it. Most guys think that way, but are terrified to speak about it because they fear that it will ruin their "image". That's one thing I point and laugh about. If you are so fucking scared of your image that you can't say things like that, I must say that it's a pitiful image. Sure nuf, I think I have an image and my image is this: I say whatever I want to say, I mean whatever I want to mean, and so on. I have respect for people and things like that, but I'm no afraid of telling them that their dress looks like shit as an example. hmm... I dunno what I should write about so I just keep ranting. mwahahahahahaha.

Oh yeah, back to what I was saying: Ive got some really hot friends (still girls) who I met today. Too bad they all only look at me like a good friend. I think that's God's way of punishing me: making it so that most girls only look at me as a really good friend that they can talk about whatever they want with. well well, I don't care. If I want a girlfriend, I just have to find a girl that meet's my level. bla bla bla, this ain't interesting. Well, tonight I meet one girl for the second time, and oh my God she was beautiful. It feels like I get slammed to the wall when I see her. She has a wonderful smile that melts me up every time I see it. And basically that's every time shee looks at me. I was walking through the foam and she attacked me with shitloads of foam that she dumped on my head. HAHA, the war was on. We started to playfight in the foam and tossed eachother around and threw foam and I found it extremely fun. Then we relaxed and started dancing to the good vibes that came from the speakers. This is a girl I would like to have as a girlfriend. But there is one thing, she is 15/16 and I'm turning 20. I don't consider myself as much older than her, but I've made up my mind about not dating a girl that's more than 3 years younger than me because of problems I've had earlyer. But like I've said, thinking negative only gives myself problems. So, I'll work out the differences I have with my head. It's like a marrige. My body wants that girl, my heart do... I think... but my head says otherwise. bah, this I've got to do a little brainstorming on.

Let's see, is there something else I should tell ya'll? hmm... I can't think of anything else right now...
Two things before I go: 1. My friends meens much for me. I don't know what I would do without them. 2. YOU ARE ALL ENVY OF ME BECAUSE THE VOICES IN MY HEAD ONLY SPEEK TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!

well, I'm off to bed. Have some serious thinking to do. well, speaks!

tha happy iktah, a hero ranting @ night!!!